The article below poses a perfect example of how we build momentum with our thoughts. Had the guy actually been “meditating” which means having “no thought” he would not have been drifting into dark territories of the mind due to boredom, irritation, past focus, and agitation of others near him. Meditation retreats are hell for empathic types. It’s not easy, releasing other peoples stuff, plus your own, and only a trained psychic will know the difference between the two.
Vispassanas (and those 10 day meditation) retreats only seem life-changing because your so f*cking happy when they are over! I don’t recommend them because it doesn’t make sense in ANY WAY to have NO THOUGHT, making the mind useless and not honoring it’s purpose and value, for ten whole day. It’s as impossible to meditate continually for more than a few hours, as telling the body not to breathe after a few minutes.
Meditation retreats should be referred to for what they really are: “trigger” retreats. Designed to trigger you into activating “issues” so you will think you over came them, when in reality you just activated them and now need to recover. Tormenting yourself by altering the natural flow of the mind, with an intention of “I need to be healed” isn’t the smartest thing to do, it’s telling the universe “I’m broken” and often brings just that.
Meditation when done with the natural flow of daily life, however, is very valuable, but it should be 15 minutes of releasing thoughts as they arise, with the intention of aligning with source. Ya, –so we can be a “Sorcerer.”
The actual PURPOSE “of” meditation, is to quiet the mind. Why? so that we rise like a cork in water, meeting our Source energy. Stopping our thoughts is the point BUT ONLY necessary because our mind has a tendency towards so many “unwanted” thoughts. If you are experiencing awesome creative and blissful thoughts, then meditation would be useless. Meditation, for most of us, is useful as a trip-start for a new mental view that is more in alignment with the natural energy of when we are aligned with our soul/source.
Sitting in meditation practices for days on end is a recipe for disaster as not enjoying and living life fully and with purpose in itself creates an attraction of depressive thoughts.
Recently in an Ayahuasca Journey, spirit, recorded my thoughts and played them all back for me. How “nice”, it was dreadful, to say the least. Spirit pointed out with each and every thought, what each thought was worth in value towards my life as I want it to be. Not ONE of my thoughts, in a two hour period, (ahem, not one!) was actually actively moving towards creating what I desire for my life. Each and every thought was one of three things:
1. Moving towards creating more momentuem towards what I don’t want.
2. Not in sync with how Source/Soul/Spirit views myself, a situation, someone, something, and is therefore in some way, somewhat harmful (we are all connected).
3. Many were simply inert. They were useless and pointless; a waste of energy keeping me distracted from using my mind powerfully as a creator, and/or downloading infinite intelligence and guidance.
Let’s get down to the subject of Momentum. Building Momentum is great when you are really moving towards creating all what you desire and when that is in alignment with your True Will or what your Soul desires.
Creating without Thoughtful Intention can even be DANGEROUS. A good example of momentum building towards mis-creation is the woman who was taking selfies, posting to facebook and texting “I’m so Happy” while she was listening to Pharrell’s Happy Song, only to be the cause of a head-on collision that killed her. Well… at least she died “happy” which is certainly worth that momentum and those who have experienced death cannot argue, the soul is so very happy after being released from all of our resistance.
A happy joyful state of being speeds up ALL the energy of whatever you are already attracting!
The other thing to consider is that with meditations and all practices that guide you into deeper into self Awareness, you will also become AWARE of what is around you inter dimensionally. Do you know what spirits are near you? Your knowledge of what is around you, from fairies to reptilian aliens, is valuable information to see how you have been programmed, what your beliefs are attracting and what needs to change.
The Dark Side of Meditation, Business Insider
Set back on quiet College Hill in Providence, Rhode Island, sits a dignified, four story, 19th-century house that belongs to Dr. Willoughby Britton. Inside, it is warm, spacious, and organized. The shelves are stocked with organic foods.
A solid wood dining room table seats up to 12. Plants are ubiquitous. Comfortable pillows are never far from reach. The basement—with its own bed, living space, and private bathroom—often hosts a rotating cast of yogis and meditation teachers. Britton’s own living space and office are on the second floor. The real sanctuary, however, is on the third floor, where people come from all over to rent rooms, work with Britton, and rest. But they’re not there to restore themselves with meditation—they’re recovering from it.
“I started having thoughts like, ‘Let me take over you,’ combined with confusion and tons of terror,” says David, a polite, articulate 27-year-old who arrived at Britton’s Cheetah House in 2013. “I had a vision of death with a scythe and a hood, and the thought ‘Kill yourself’ over and over again.”
Michael, 25, was a certified yoga teacher when he made his way to Cheetah House. He explains that during the course of his meditation practice his “body stopped digesting food. I had no idea what was happening.” For three years he believed he was “permanently ruined” by meditation.
“Recovery,” “permanently ruined”—these are not words one typically encounters when discussing a contemplative practice.
On a cold November night last fall, I drove to Cheetah House. A former student of Britton’s, I joined the group in time for a Shabbat dinner. We blessed the challah, then the wine; recited prayers in English and Hebrew; and began eating.
Britton, an assistant professor of psychiatry and human behavior, works at the Brown University Medical School. She receives regular phone calls, emails, and letters from people around the world in various states of impairment. Most of them worry no one will believe—let alone understand—their stories of meditation-induced affliction. Her investigation of this phenomenon, called “The Dark Night Project,” is an effort to document, analyze, and publicize accounts of the adverse effects of contemplative practices.
The morning after our Shabbat dinner, in Britton’s kitchen, David outlines the history of his own contemplative path. His first retreat was “very non-normal,” he says, “and very good … divine. There was stuff dropping away … [and] electric shocks through my body. [My] core sense of self, a persistent consciousness, the thoughts and stuff, were not me.” He tells me it was the best thing that had ever happened to him, an “orgasm of the soul, felt throughout my internal world.”
David explains that he finally felt awake. But it didn’t last.
Still high off his retreat, he declined an offer to attend law school, aggravating his parents. His best friends didn’t understand him, or his “insane” stories of life on retreat.
“I had a fear of being thought of as crazy,” he says, “I felt extremely sensitive, vulnerable, and naked.”
Not knowing what to do with himself, David moved to Korea to teach English, got bored, dropped out of the program, and moved back in with his parents. Eventually, life lost its meaning. Colors began to fade. Spiritually dry, David didn’t care about anything anymore. Everything he had found pleasurable before the retreat—hanging out with friends, playing music, drinking—all of that “turned to dirt,” he says, “a plate of beautiful food turned to dirt.”
He traveled back and forth from Asia to home seeking guidance, but found only a deep, persistent dissatisfaction in himself. After “bumming around Thailand for a bit,” he moved to San Francisco, got a job, and sat through several more two- and 10-week meditation retreats. Then, in 2012, David sold his car to pay for a retreat at the Cloud Mountain Center that torments him still.
“Psychological hell,” is how he describes it. “It would come and go in waves. I’d be in the middle of practice and what would come to mind was everything I didn’t want to think about, every feeling I didn’t want to feel.” David felt “pebble-sized” spasms emerge from inside a “dense knot” in his belly.
He panicked. Increasingly vivid pornographic fantasies and repressed memories from his childhood began to surface.
“I just started freaking out,” he says, “and at some point, I just surrendered to the onslaught of unwanted sexual thoughts … a sexual Rolodex of every taboo.” As soon as he did, however, “there was some goodness to it.” After years of pushing away his emotional, instinctual drives, something inside David was “reattached,” he says.
Toward the end of his time at the Cloud Mountain Center, David shared his ongoing experiences with the retreat leaders, who assured him it was probably just his “ego’s defenses” acting up. “They were really comforting,” he says, “even though I thought I was going to become schizophrenic.”
According to a survey by the National Institutes of Health, 10 percent of respondents—representing more than 20 million adult Americans—tried meditating between 2006 and 2007, a 1.8 percent increase from a similar survey in 2002. At that rate, by 2017, there may be more than 27 million American adults with a recent meditation experience.
In late January this year, Time magazine featured acover story on “the mindful revolution,” an account of the extent to which mindfulness meditation has diffused into the largest sectors of modern society. Used by “Silicon Valley entrepreneurs, Fortune 500 titans, Pentagon chiefs, and more,” mindfulness meditation is promoted as a means to help Americans work mindfully, eat mindfully, parent mindfully, teach mindfully, take standardized tests mindfully, spend money mindfully, and go to war mindfully. What the cover story did not address are what might be called the revolution’s “dirty laundry.”
“We’re not being thorough or honest in our study of contemplative practice,” says Britton, a critique she extends to the entire field of researchers studying meditation, including herself.
I’m sitting on a pillow in Britton’s meditation room. She tells me that the National Center for Complementary and Alternative Medicine’s websiteincludes an interesting choice of words in its entry on meditation. Under “side effects and risks,” it reads:
Meditation is considered to be safe for healthy people. There have been rare reports that meditation could cause or worsen symptoms in people who have certain psychiatric problems, but this question has not been fully researched.
By modern scientific standards, the aforementioned research may not yet be comprehensive—a fact Britton wants to change—but according to Britton and her colleagues, descriptions of meditation’s adverse effects have been collecting dust on bookshelves for centuries.
The phrase “dark night of the soul,” can be traced back to a 16th-century Spanish poem by the Roman Catholic mystic San Juan de la Cruz, or Saint John of the Cross. It is most commonly used within certain Christian traditions to refer to an individual’s spiritual crisis in the course of their union with God.
The divine experiences reported by Saint John describe a method, or protocol, “followed by the soul in its journey upon the spiritual road to the attainment of the perfect union of love with God, to the extent that it is possible in this life.” The poem, however, is linked to a much longer text, also written by Saint John, which describes the hardships faced by those who seek to purify the senses—and the spirit—in their quest for mystical love.
According to Britton, the texts of many major contemplative traditions offer similar maps of spiritual development. One of her team’s preliminary tasks—a sort of archeological literature review—was to pore through the written canons of Theravadin, Tibetan, and Zen Buddhism, as well as texts within Christianity, Judaism, and Sufism. “Not every text makes clear reference to a period of difficulty on the contemplative path,” Britton says, “but many did.”
“There is a sutta,” a canonical discourse attributed to the Buddha or one of his close disciples, “where monks go crazy and commit suicide after doing contemplation on death,” says Chris Kaplan, a visiting scholar at the Mind & Life Institute who also works with Britton on the Dark Night Project.
Nathan Fisher, the study’s manager, condenses a famous parable by the founder of the Jewish Hasidic movement. Says Fisher, “[the story] is about how the oscillations of spiritual life parallel the experience of learning to walk, very similar to the metaphor Saint John of the Cross uses in terms of a mother weaning a child … first you are held up by a parent and it is exhilarating and wonderful, and then they take their hands away and it is terrifying and the child feels abandoned.”
Kaplan and Fisher dislike the term “dark night” because, in their view, it can imply that difficult contemplative experiences are “one and the same thing” across different religions and contemplative traditions.
Fisher also emphasizes two categories that may cause dark nights to surface. The first results from “incorrect or misguided practice that could be avoided,” while the second includes “those [experiences] which were necessary and expected stages of practices.” In other words, while meditators can better avoid difficult experiences under the guidance of seasoned teachers, there are cases where such experiences are useful signs of progress in contemplative development. Distinguishing between the two, however, remains a challenge.
Britton shows me a 2010 paper written by University of Colorado-Boulder psychologist Sona Dimidjian that was published in American Psychologist, the official journal of the American Psychological Association. The study examines some dramatic instances where psychotherapy has caused serious harm to a patient. It also highlights the value of creating standards for defining and identifying when and how harm can occur at different points in the psychotherapeutic process.
One of the central questions of Dimidjian’s article is this: After 100 years of research into psychotherapy, it’s obvious that scientists and clinicians have learned a lot about the benefits of therapy, but what do we know about the harms? According to Britton, a parallel process is happening in the field of meditation research.
“We have a lot of positive data [on meditation],” she says, “but no one has been asking if there are any potential difficulties or adverse effects, and whether there are some practices that may be better or worse-suited [for] some people over others. Ironically,” Britton adds, “the main delivery system for Buddhist meditation in America is actually medicine and science, not Buddhism.”
As a result, many people think of meditation only from the perspective of reducing stress and enhancing executive skills such as emotion regulation, attention, and so on.
For Britton, this widespread assumption—that meditation exists only for stress reduction and labor productivity, “because that’s what Americans value”—narrows the scope of the scientific lens. When the time comes to develop hypotheses around the effects of meditation, the only acceptable—and fundable—research questions are the ones that promise to deliver the answers we want to hear.
“Does it promote good relationships? Does it reduce cortisol? Does it help me work harder?” asks Britton, referencing these more lucrative questions. Because studies have shown that meditation does satisfy such interests, the results, she says, are vigorously reported to the public. “But,” she cautions, “what about when meditation plays a role in creating an experience that then leads to a breakup, a psychotic break, or an inability to focus at work?”
Given the juggernaut—economic and otherwise—behind the mindfulness movement, there is a lot at stake in exploring a shadow side of meditation. Upton Sinclair once observed how difficult it is to get a man to understand something when his salary depends on his not understanding it. Britton has experienced that difficulty herself. In part because university administrators and research funders prefer simple and less controversial titles, she has chosen to rename the Dark Night Project the “Varieties of Contemplative Experience.”
Britton also questions what might be considered the mindfulness movement’s limited scope. She explains that the Theravadin Buddhist tradition influences how a large portion of Americans practice meditation, but in it, mindfulness is “about vipassana, a specific type of insight … into the three characteristics of experience.” These are also known as the three marks of existence: anicca, or impermanence; dukkha, or dissatisfaction; and anatta, or no-self.
In this context, mindfulness is not about being able to stare comfortably at your computer for hours on end, or get “in the zone” to climb the corporate ladder. Rather, says Britton, it’s about the often painstaking process of “realizing and processing those three specific insights.”
Shinzen Young, a Buddhist meditation teacher popular with young scientists, has summarized his familiarity with dark night experiences. In a 2011 email exchange between himself and a student, which he then posted on his blog, Young presents an explanation of what he means by a “dark night” within the context of Buddhist experience:
Almost everyone who gets anywhere with meditation will pass through periods of negative emotion, confusion, [and] disorientation. …The same can happen in psychotherapy and other growth modalities. I would not refer to these types of experiences as ‘dark night.’ I would reserve the term for a somewhat rarer phenomenon. Within the Buddhist tradition, [this] is sometimes referred to as ‘falling into the Pit of the Void.’ It entails an authentic and irreversible insight into Emptiness and No Self. Instead of being empowering and fulfilling … it turns into the opposite. In a sense, it’s Enlightenment’s Evil Twin. This is serious but still manageable through intensive … guidance under a competent teacher. In some cases, it takes months or even years to fully metabolize, but in my experience the results are almost always highly positive.
Britton’s findings corroborate many of Young’s claims. Among the nearly 40 dark night subjects her team has formally interviewed over the past few years, she says most were “fairly out of commission, fairly impaired for between six months [and] more than 20 years.”
The identities of Britton’s subjects are kept secret and coded anonymously. To find interviewees, however, her team contacted well-known and highly esteemed teachers, such as Jack Kornfield at California’s Spirit Rock and Joseph Goldstein at the Insight Meditation Center in Massachusetts. Like many other experienced teachers they spoke to, Goldstein and Kornfield recalled instances during past meditation retreats where students became psychologically incapacitated. Some were hospitalized. Says Britton, “there was one person Jack told me about [who] never recovered.”
The Dark Night Project is young, and still very much in progress. Researchers in the field are just beginning to carefully collect and sort through the narratives of difficult meditation-related experiences. Britton has presented her findings at major Buddhist and scientific conferences, prominent retreat centers, and even to the Dalai Lama at the 24th Mind and Life Dialogue in 2012.
“Many people in our study were lost and confused and could not find help,” Britton says. “They had been through so many doctors, therapists, and dharma teachers. Given that we had so much information about these effects, we realized that we were it.”
In response, Britton conceived of Cheetah House as a public resource. “We’re still in the process of developing our services,” she says. “Lots of people just come live here, and work on the study. Because they’re part of the research team, they get to stay here and listen to other people’s experiences, and that’s been incredibly healing.”
As a trained clinician, it can be hard for Britton to reconcile the visible benefits of contemplative practices with data unearthed through the Dark Night Project. More than half of her patients reported positive “life-altering experiences” after a recent eight-week meditation program, for example. But, she says, “while I have appreciation and love for the practices, and for my patients … I have all of these other people that have struggled, who are struggling.”
“I understand the resistance,” says Britton, in response to critics who have attempted to silence or dismiss her work. “There are parts of me that just want meditation to be all good. I find myself in denial sometimes, where I just want to forget all that I’ve learned and go back to being happy about mindfulness and promoting it, but then I get another phone call and meet someone who’s in distress, and I see the devastation in their eyes, and I can’t deny that this is happening. As much as I want to investigate and promote contemplative practices and contribute to the well-being of humanity through that, I feel a deeper commitment to what’s actually true.”
Many men have learned to hold a powerful presence, deliberate, concise and observant. Perhaps they have learned this through meditation and other techniques. Generally a male who is Present comes off as attractive to feminine energy. This empty energy, due to his “Presence” allows for a strong empathic download from him, to those women who are most open. The information reflected, can be telling as to what is off-balance in both participants. Often, though he holds a powerful presence that he has mastered and feels he is in control of his energy, he still has a less-open heart. If his heart is less open than his (dominating) Solar Plexus, the Will, he can expect reverberation from the empathic women that is hardly along the lines of the fantasy he has of a soft, gentle and loving woman. In this case, most often the Root Chakra is open to match the Solar Plexus. The expression through sex, will be powerful through the Will in whatever form it takes, perhaps at times, even peering into the Union of the Soul, only to pull back, as the heart opens, and closes again in the awareness of the risk. Men who push away sexual energy and want to “control” it from a loveless state of self, will be felt to the empathic One, as if she is being pushed away. If he is disgusted by his own sexual prowess, she will feel at as One as if he is disgusted with her sexual energy, and may find herself taking on shame that is not her own. If he embraces his attraction to feminine energy, despite the distraction he must learn to embrace, he will be blessed. The strongest men who can conquer the most mindful demanding work and physically empowering accomplishments are often so stunted when it comes to the Heart they will spend a lifetime in pursuit and exploration of physical and mental accomplishments, rather than stop and feel love with the feminine. When the heart is not in balance with the Will, the alternating missing balance is the emotional chakra that counter-balances the heart. In it’s weak expression, it finds itself in defense, poised to protect itself from the attacks of her “love”. Though the third eye may be well developed and activated, again, this is only as valuable as the alignment of the other forces. If the Third eye is activated, but the Emotional chakra and Heart are less open, than the visions or intuition that comes through will be only as evolved as can be perceived by the Heart. In other words, you could be a great psychic in the way of seeing dead-people or knowing a cat needs it’s dinner, but you might not have a clue to other people’s feelings and what lays behind and beyond the needs of their Longings of their own closed Heart.
For women, a strong empathic nature, generally indicates a more Open Heart. However in the same off-balance, it is unfortunate, that this often does not include balance to the Solar Plexus and thus, attracts a male to lead on a path that is less than her desires, or True Will. A smaller solar-plexus will attract dominating energies. These are often energies that engage directly against her True Desires and her Heart. She must learn to guide herself towards her True Will by voicing her discrepancy regarding his closed Heart.
Everyone should do energy exercises to support balancing the chakras, but the real work in balancing and restoring the heart to all the other Chakras, which leads to the core of health, love, well-being and peaceful existence, is to Open yourself to the emotions that guide you back to the “True” Will or Souls Desires linking to the Heart. When in doubt, ask and your Spirit will answer! Simply STOP, set intention to Know what the souls desire IS and allow that powerful state of Presence to feel the Emotions, which will bring you directly towards what can guide you to your souls truth and align and restore the Heart with the Soul.
If You Want to Change the World, Love a Man
If you want to change the world, love a man, really love him.
Find the one whose eyes are like blazing suns,
that make you look away the first time,
that pierce right through you,
blinding you to everything but the moment,
melting you into a puddle of soft pastel light,
even though you cringe at the color, pink.
The one who stops your thinking,
who sends your lashes fluttering
and all the blood rushing to your cheeks.
whose smile is like a flute,
who summons honey bee songs,
blossom songs and morning bird songs
with his listening.
The fallen-sky-one with the mark on his back,
where he lost his feathers from flying too close to a star.
The broken one in search of his wings,
who tells you the story of how to make fire.
If you want to change the world, love a man
beyond your fear of being burned.
Beyond unforgiveness and the walls you’ve built
to protect your sovereignity and anonymity.
Love him beyond old wounds and lies
you believed to be truth,
the hole in your heart from an absent father,
the scar on your sacred flower left by thieves.
Beyond past lives and the memory
you keep like a shrine to betrayal
when you fell to your knees in the ashes of your village,
and love became a field of bones.
Lift your darkened face to him who stands before you.
Take his hand and let him raise you to your feet.
Trust him to hold you as you tremble and weep in his arms for all that has been lost and found in this holy instant.
If you want to change the world, love a man
Beyond your faithlessness
and your secret hatred of humanity
Beyond all your judgment and self righteous projection.
The stone on your heart is as ancient
as the thought that you had to deny His existence
to know your power.
You are no less God than you ever were.
Man is no more guilty than Woman is innocent.
Love him for bearing the burden of desire in his sex
so your temple could remain whole unto itself-
for taking on the split aspect of mind
that seemed to abandon the oneness of heaven
so that you might know the joy of Its extension.
Love the ecstatic, primal root
castrated by religion as the root of all evil-
the channel of divine creative impulse-
that sparks the seeds of life, death and birth
from the womb of space and time.
Love the humble guardian and warrior
Man has been to Woman
even as he hunts her,
even in his drive towards self gratification,
which ultimately is the portal to soul union.
Love the violator who holds the mirror
to everything you have disowned within yourself-
so that all your desire, your creative impulse
may be freed
from the chains of separation, lack and guilt
and you can finally trust your Self.
If you want to change the world, love a man
in all his instinctual animal nature,
in all his hunger and devotion to beauty.
Love him beyond your vanity and pridefulness,
your gilded possessiveness and need to special-
beyond your well thought out conditions for safety
and all your concepts of how a man
should be in relationship.
Love him beyond your anger at not getting your way,
beyond your terror of not knowing or being in control.
Love him in his relentless pursuit
to penetrate the deepest sanctuaries within you,
that hold the chaos of your strongest emotions,
your carefully guarded secrets of separation
between light and dark, virgin and whore,
man and woman, spirit and form.
Love him for opening the door to sensuality,
to your primordial self that is beyond duality,
for binding you to pleasure
even as the air closes in around you,
even as you writhe with madness,
cursing your incarnation as the enemy-
even as you contract and claw,
crying out in despair, such joy it brings.
Love him for not yielding
to your resistance to surrender-
for standing in his masculine power
even as you threaten to destroy him.
If you want to change the world, love your man
for leaving you to live his purpose,
whether it’s for a day, a week, months or years.
Love him for breaking his own heart over and over-
for holding the tension and balance
of polarity and intimacy,
of distance and closeness.
Love his need for silence and solace-
for keeping some of his mystery to himself-
not that he has anything to hide,
but so you will always have surprises!
Love his evolutionary nature
that seeks new experiences,
that can never be satisfied-
for his boundless curiosity,
that if allowed to be free
might be your own liberation
Love him for shining independently
from the seat of his own majesty-
for not needing, yet choosing you
from a place of knowing his magnificence.
Love him for being your patient direction and destiny-
for returning to you
your own brightness through the dark night-
for helping you to remember
the one and only relationship you’ve ever had
and tried to forget-
for bringing you to that vulnerable, powerless
abiding place of surrender
you’ve been afraid of and waiting for all your life-
where you can finally be consumed by Love-
where you can finally be claimed by God.
A beautiful, woman’s, ego, busting poem, by Lisa Citore